Jibberish...pretty much sums up my brain this past month. I have been so busy and caught up in the daily grind of life that by the end of the day, once the kids are asleep, I plop onto the sofa and drift away into...the land of reality television. Yep. I'm not proud of it. But hey, at least I'm honest. So as for the Daniel Fast....I succeeded for one week. I even made refried beans from dried pinto beans and homemade whole wheat tortillas. And I was feeling good. Then I started a second job....and just got busy. I know, excuses, excuses. Sigh. Well I made it a third of the way through. As for my spiritual life....right now it's drier than the Sahara. Not sure why. I've learned by now in my walk with God that there are different seasons...times of such spiritual highs and clarity...and times like this. Sigh. Again. I think part of it has to do with smoking. Yep...started smoking. Again. A few months ago. Nasty little devil it is. Since I know it's not good for me...I sort of hide from God...like if I just ignore Him it'll make it okay. There are 2 problems with this plan: 1. God's love for me is unending and unchanging, regardless of my sin (and some would argue if smoking is a sin. I think it is for me...because I make it an idol...and turn to smoking for comfort, anxiety relief, etc. rather than God. And it destroys the body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit.)
2. I can't hide from God. And in doing so, I'm only hurting myself. He's not shocked that I'm smoking. I'm pretty sure He's waiting, lovingly, and patiently for me to turn to Him and cry out for Him to help me overcome this stronghold. Which presents my biggest problem: I don't really want to stop!!! I like smoking, it's so comforting, and relaxing, and it gives me a 5 minute time out from whatever chaos my day brings. WAAAAAA...WAAAHHHHHHHHHH.
Okay, so for seriousness....please PRAY for me about this issue...as silly as it may seem. It is a serious hindrance to me in my relationship with God and it has to go. Period.
On that note....my brother in law, Mark, is a MIRACLE. Well, I mean, technically we are all miracles, but he's a miracle twofold because God reached down and pretty much pulled him from the grave and restored his health and gave him a second chance at life on this earth. Apparently, his job here is not done. The doctors and nurses that have encountered Mark have almost all used the word MIRACLE. So....God is so amazingly faithful and good. I'm so thankful for Mark...love you brother!!
P.S. After that, why am I hiding from God in the cave with my stinky, nasty cigarette embers glowing with every puff? Hmmmm...will ponder.
2 comments:
Hang in there, Jolene. Really great, honest blog. Describes perfectly how we separate ourselves from God when we do what we know we should not. Getting it out in the open is so hard but seems the only way to fight it. Satan would love for us to remain silent. I'll be praying for you! We see from Mark's recovery that God does hear us and answers our cries for help.
Thanks, Shirley! I've learned exactly that...being open and honest about even the ugliest things brings us closer to freedom from whatever it is. I appreciate your response!
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