Hello, hello!

It has been too long since I have posted! Not much happening here except the amazing growth of my beautiful baby girl! She has gotten so big I can bareley remember what she was like when she was first born. They aren't lying when they say they grow up fast. (I'm not sure who they are, but they are still right!) She is a chunky monkey now and is getting really strong. She talks her gurgly baby talk almost constantly now. Her little shrieks and yelps are so loud and so adorable. Calvin can get her laughing really good, too. He is so good with her. It's funny because I know he was excited for her to be born, not nearly as excited as me, but once he laid eyes on her he was done. He his truly in love with his little girl. I can't even describe how much I love her. Even the thought of harm coming her way brings tears to my eyes as we speak. The desire to protect her is overwhelming. It's so weird how becoming a parent changes you. Oh, big news, Taryn has been sleeping through the night for almost 2 weeks! I mean 9-10 hours a night. Thank you Jesus! I'm not good with sleep deprivation, so this has been a huge blessing. So as I'm writing this Calvin is picking up his brother from the airport. His mom is moving back to Montana tomorrow. I can't help but be excited, but part of me is a little sad. I'm disappointed in the way I handled her time here. It could have been an opportunity to witness to and serve her. I'm pretty sure it was neither. Anyone who is willing, please pray for her. Pray for her faith and that she will truly understand the gift of salvation in Christ. While you're at it, you could pray for my hubby too! Well that's about all for now. Nothing too exciting. Love to all!!

To Deny

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." Luke 9:23-24

I've been asking the Lord what it looks like for me to deny myself and take up my cross daily. I've been praying for Him to show me how to do this each day before I go to work. Let me tell you it is painful. The first morning that I prayed about this I felt so good and sure that I was going to do Jesus proud. Little did I know the first test was before I even got out of bed! Right when I was going to get in the shower, I heard my mother in law start the shower downstairs. My praise Jesus attitude flew out the window. I was infuriated. I know it seems silly, but I am on a tight schedule in the morning, and she didn't have to start work until an hour after me. I was so mad. I had a moment of, okay think about what you've been praying for. Deny yourself, Jolene. But that thought was fleeting. I immediately called my husband to vent. Then when I heard she was done, I stomped downstairs and hollered "are you done in the shower?! Because I need to get in there!!" Just to make sure she knew I was extremely irritated. (To tell you the truth I get a little irritated just typing this! Ridiculous.) Anyway, after I showered and was ready for the day, I realized it really wasn't that big of a deal. And looking at it from a calmer perspective I realized that even if it was a big deal, I was not called to get angry and get even, I was called to forgive and DENY myself. I certainly did not do a good job that morning for sure. But I was thankful at how quickly the Lord showed me an example. So I'm camping on these verses, hopefully indefinitely. It is so the opposite of my natural being. I immediately want to defend myself and not allow myself to be wronged by anyone. But I think about Jesus dragging that heavy cross strapped to his wounded back on the way to his horrible death and it helps to put things in perspective. I absolutely love how God's ways are the opposite of the world's. Anyway, have a good week!

Jolene

Another Day

I haven't written in awhile. I've been struggling a little this past week. I don't know why its so hard to get into the Word sometimes. It's like picking up a cement block. I know I just need to do it anyway, even if I don't feel like it. I think I need to really get involved in a church. I've been going to The Quarry off and on for almost two years and I still feel like an outsider. I don't want to be just a Sunday attender. But it is so hard for me to go beyond that. I need to let go of my last church. I think I'm still mourning the loss of it. I'm definitely realizing how difficult it is to live outside of fellowship. I miss the encouragement, shoulders to cry on, challenge, accountability, prayer partners, and just focusing on others rather than myself. I want to go deeper, but I gotta say I'm scared. Getting to know people and vice versa scares the crap out of me. I feel so socially retarded sometimes its embarrassing. But I know I just need to push past it. Not to be a Daisy Downer but that's how I'm feeling. I watched the movie P.S. I Love You last night (bawl-fest 2008) and it just reminded me of how fleeting life is. It is so important to make every moment count. It also made me think of Taryn and just the desires of my heart for her. I hope that she will not live in fear. That she will not ever be afraid to speak. That she will embrace Christ and live for Him. That she will be comfortable with who she is. That she will not settle for a man who doesn't adore her and vice versa. That she will fight for what she believes in. That she will not struggle with depression. That she will look beyond what the world has to offer. That she will be genuinely happy. Well, that's all for tonight.