Another Day

I haven't written in awhile. I've been struggling a little this past week. I don't know why its so hard to get into the Word sometimes. It's like picking up a cement block. I know I just need to do it anyway, even if I don't feel like it. I think I need to really get involved in a church. I've been going to The Quarry off and on for almost two years and I still feel like an outsider. I don't want to be just a Sunday attender. But it is so hard for me to go beyond that. I need to let go of my last church. I think I'm still mourning the loss of it. I'm definitely realizing how difficult it is to live outside of fellowship. I miss the encouragement, shoulders to cry on, challenge, accountability, prayer partners, and just focusing on others rather than myself. I want to go deeper, but I gotta say I'm scared. Getting to know people and vice versa scares the crap out of me. I feel so socially retarded sometimes its embarrassing. But I know I just need to push past it. Not to be a Daisy Downer but that's how I'm feeling. I watched the movie P.S. I Love You last night (bawl-fest 2008) and it just reminded me of how fleeting life is. It is so important to make every moment count. It also made me think of Taryn and just the desires of my heart for her. I hope that she will not live in fear. That she will not ever be afraid to speak. That she will embrace Christ and live for Him. That she will be comfortable with who she is. That she will not settle for a man who doesn't adore her and vice versa. That she will fight for what she believes in. That she will not struggle with depression. That she will look beyond what the world has to offer. That she will be genuinely happy. Well, that's all for tonight.