Hmmmm....

Okay, so I've been reading through 1 Corinthians and there's a verse that has been bothering me. "just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many that they may be saved." (Ch. 10 vs.33) The NIV reads: "even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved." Reflecting on my life and my actions I am appalled. It seems that I have it all turned around because I am trying to please myself in most things and seeking my own good most of the time. Really. I am living in complete selfishness. At home: I try so hard to control everything my husband does so I can be happy, because if he does something I don't like, I become miserable. Therefore, I am quite sure this makes him miserable. It's all about me. What I want, how I want to spend, what I want to do, and how I want to do it. I am absolutely horrible to my mother-in-law, who is running back to Montana as fast as she can. This could have been an opportunity to grow close with her and share Christ with her. Instead it became: she doesn't cook right, she doesn't clean the way I like to, she talks too much when I want to be left alone, therefore there is now practically no relationship. I'm a selfish drill-sergeant. At work: I may get annoyed with certain customers. I may get annoyed with co-workers. I complain. These are just a few examples of my selfishness, but this just points to the fact that my whole walk is self-centered. Christ suffered and died a horrific death, while I WAS STILL A SINNER so I could be saved. Not because I earned it. Not because I was good enough and didn't annoy him too much. He poured out everything he was and had for the sake of others so that they may be saved. Can I live this way? Truly live this out? Can I forgive the unforgiveable? Can I pour out my life for others? Even the "unlikeable"? Wow. I am really pondering this and praying for Christ's transformation.

Love,
Jolene