It has been so long since I have experienced the intimate fellowship I once shared with Jesus. I believe one decision I made a few years back started the gradual separation between my Lord and I. I've had glimpses of that closeness since then but nothing like it used to be. I am so tired of believing the lie that He has stopped loving me. My mind logically knows that can't be true. It is completely contrary to His word and who He is. But deep down I know that the canyon looming between us is the absolute doubt of His love for me. I have decided that I am tired of living in defeat. I am tired of living my life on the basis of lies. I am tired of believing that I don't deserve the love and relationship of Jesus when nobody deserves it. When I think that I have to earn His love I have become prideful in rejecting the free gift of salvation in Christ. I am tired of being distracted by and submersed in the ways of the world. I am tired of my pity party that I throw for myself every day because I am so down I can barely look up. The cure has been right here all along and its time that I take it. So here I go on my journey of restoration, renewed hope, and re-discovery. I cannot be lukewarm any longer. The urgency to restore my relationship with Christ almost scares me. I want to read His word with passion and excitement. I want to speak with Him daily about everything. I want to be aware constantly that I am His servant and the purpose of my life is to glorify Him and share the good news of Christ. I will not let the enemy destroy and hold me back any longer. Jesus, here comes your prodigal daughter. Thank you that you've been watching me from a distance with warmth and compassion in your heart, ready to slaughter the fattened calf in celebration of my return. The thought brings tears to my eyes - that you, Jesus, are so loving and so forgiving and that I could somehow doubt that for so long. I know I have tried to break down this wall between us but the attempts have been feeble and half-hearted, believing only that I could never regain your love. So I invite you, my dear sisters (even long lost) in Christ to join me on my adventure of rekindling my walk with the Lord. It may be messy, but it's real. I ask that the Lord will open my eyes and "restore to me the JOY of my salvation". Any encouragement is readily accepted along the way!
Luke 14:15-24
Love,
Jolene
1 comment:
My sweet sweet Sister! I love you dearly, and I am praying for you.
I was glad to see you at Casting Crowns, that was the place to be to feel the presence of God, no mistake! If I had the room I would have fell prostrate!!
Burst open the gates of Heaven and run to the throne!
Lord I ask that your presence fall on Jolene anew! Bring her to her knees with your unfailing love! Close that chasm that lingers and threatens seperation!
I love you Lord! In Jesus name. Amen!
Love you tons!
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